Heart of Humility for a Proud Woman

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How does one go about writing a post on humility without sounding proud? Answer: I have no idea! As a follow-up entry for the “personal retreat series” I wanted to include how I answered the question: “what is one area where I believe God is calling me to grow?”. I suppose the problem comes in when I try to put my thoughts down and no matter what they come across as... full of pride. So why this post then? Well I think it is important for me to make a somewhat public statement about the condition of my heart. Maybe part of me is hoping that someone else out there is just as proud as me... secretly I don't like to be alone in my sin... another part of me just wants to have those close to me praying for humility to enfold my heart. That being said if anything comes off as pride here, please know from the beginning that is not my intent.

So I answered the question this way: God is calling me to grow in godliness by putting to death the sins of pride and selfishness. Yes that's right I'm not just the worst sinner I know... I am also exceptionaly proud of my true state. Oh how abusrd is that!! I can manage to be proud of the most ridiculous things: all that I accomplish in a day, how well I can grow my gardens, my abilities in the kitchen, the way I raise my children, how I serve others... are you noticing the pattern? That's right it's all about me! What do I have that God hasn't given to me? I have nothing. My pride shows up in areas I wasn't expecting it too. You see I actually thought that I like serving. Which I guess a part of me does, but sin has destorted it so much that when the true test comes, when I am treated as a serant, I go into what I now call pride-plosion. Yup, it turns into a rant about me, and how can anyone not see how poorly I'm being treated right now. I know... seriously ugly stuff here. What gives me the right to think that I some how deserve better than Christ! I don't. If I were ever to be treated as poorly as my Lord it would still be better than an eternity away from Him.

All that to say... yes I'm proud and selfish and God has been gracious to point that out and in His strength I hope to continue to battle against it. Since opening my eyes to the severity of this particular sin God has also pointed in the direction of some great instruction. A couple of years ago at our church's 6th anniversary my hubby and I were given a copy of Humility: True Greatness by C.J. Mahaney (there is also a sermon on Humility)... yes I know that I probably should have finished reading it way back then!! This has been a good place for me to remember that I'm not alone in this sin, but more importantly it takes me back to the best example... Jesus Christ. I have also some soul benefical advise from a blog post written by John Piper on 6 Aspects of Humility and a sermon he did on being humble enough to be care-free. Our pastor Paul came back from his sabbatical and the first message I heard from him was Humility.

I thank God that he is unwilling to leave me in my prideful state. He is always bringing things my heart needs just when it needs them.

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1 Comment

Hi Janis,
I found the link to your post of Stacey's blog...I am glad I read through this post.
I can relate to your struggle...you are certainly not alone!!
Pride seems to be with us at all times in such a variety of ways, it is rather frightening to think about.
I am glad that the Lord is working in your heart and showing you your pride, amazingly it is an act of grace on His part.

I hope to chat in person about this sometime..take care Janis

Georgie

Verse of the day

"who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases,"

  Psalm 103.3 (ESV)

 

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Janis published on September 22, 2008 9:46 PM.

Growing in godliness and my devotions? was the previous entry in this blog.

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